Why Him
by GateSeeker2
Summary: How will Sam survive with being separated from the one she loves when the one she loves is trapped in an isolation chamber? She can’t reach him or touch him, and he can’t hear her tell him how much she loves him. Will they survive?


**Title:** "Why Him?"

**Copyright:** © 2004

**Written:** December 5, 2004

**Author:** "GateSeeker2"

**E-mail: **gateseeker2 "at" netzero "dot" com

**Status:** Complete – only one part

**Sequel/Series:** N/A

**Summary:** How will Sam survive with being separated from the one she loves when the one she loves is trapped in an isolation chamber? She can't reach him or touch him, and he can't hear her tell him how much she loves him. Will they survive?

**Season:** After Seven – Future ?

**Classification:** Story continuation ?

**Spoilers:** Mainly thoughts of "Lost City Part 2"

**Category:** Angst

**Characters:** Samantha Carter, Daniel Jackson, Teal'C, and Jack O'Neill

**Pairing:** Sam/Jack

**Rating:** PG

**Legend:**

Ellipses (…) - indicates a pausing or a hesitation in a person's speech as well as indicating unfinished sentences.

Words in ALL CAPITALS indicates words that the character is attempting to emphasize.

**Warnings:** None.

**File Size:** 47.0 KB as a Microsoft Word Document

**Archive:** and and Reproducing or posting on other sites is not permitted.

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.

**Author's Notes:** I've just been dealing with a few things in my life and wondered how Sam would deal. This piece may seem a bit maudlin and sad, but you know how it is when a story is just jumping to get out. It sort of chose its own direction. Anyway, here it is.

**Other Stories:** If you like this story, check out my others posted to this website: "Worth It," "I Love My Life," "Biggest Decision," "Waiting for the Dawn," "Forever Changed," and "Just Another Guest." Let me know what you think. Thanks, and enjoy!

* * *

"**Why Him?"**

Perhaps today was going to be the day. She hoped it would be the day. But if not today, surely one day soon he would be released from his life sustaining chamber.

Sam just stood there. She couldn't move; she hardly managed to remember to breath. Standing opposite the clear cold obtrusive glass like barrier, she was reminded how far apart they were. She was on one side and he was on the other.

The desire to touch him was overwhelming. Reaching her hand out, she felt – not him – but the slick façade of the isolation box. She quickly withdrew her hand. It wasn't him. It wasn't flesh and blood. It merely housed the person.

The tight enclosure was supporting him – she hoped. She longed for the moment when he would be freed from this compartment so that they could live the life that she had so often dreamed, especially of late. There were so many things that Sam yearned to tell him, to show him, to do with him in this life.

But this current situation was not life. It was simply existing – merely surviving – perpetually waiting. They were forced to once again put their desires on hold. Life, and all its marvels, meant moving about, breathing freely, and experiencing the wonders of the world. However, he couldn't experience the world, not like this. He was shut off. He was secluded, and on display.

Everyday that she stood opposite him she would notice something new about him. She realized that she had never gazed so intently at someone in her life. She drank him in and was instantly thirsty for him again. Each feature was noted: his eyebrows, his nose, his dimples, his chin, his ears, and all that was him. She couldn't help but be in awe of his features even as she giggled at how his hair stuck out in all directions.

There were so many directions that this dilemma could be resolved, but only one that she would accept. Yet even as she fought to remain positive, overwhelming frustration welled up within her as she felt her strength begin to weaken and she unwillingly contemplated that this might be one battle that she felt, and feared, condemned to lose. Her normally brilliant mind searched frantically for outcomes to which she knew she might not find. There were no equations that she could create to free him. There were no simulations that would be run to find an outcome. There was nothing that she could think of to solve this problem.

She was certain though that their more advanced allies could assist him if only they could be reached. For weeks, contact with the Asguard had been tried and for weeks each transmission faded silently in space. There was no response. Thor must have been out of range or just not available. And, even though the Tok'Ra / Tauri alliance was in turmoil, Sam demanded that the Tok'Ra be contacted. She knew that her father would want to help if he simply knew of the dire circumstances of these current days.

How many days had she come to him? She had almost lost count. Seconds wore on like years while time for her halted. The often hurried actions of those doctors working around her became motionless swirls of light and color as she became frozen in her spot. It was in these times that she felt alone.

He was with her though. Whether he knew it or not, she knew. He was a part of her. He gave her strength to fight and try even when she was on the verge of faltering. This soul in front of her needed her, and she would not leave him because no one ever got left behind. His trauma proved to be the fight of her life.

But quite simply, she had no life without him. Sam mused more than once if she would ever get the chance to share her life with him. Would she ever get to know him? Would they walk through meadows, and climb mountains, and sit quietly watching the stars as she held him in her arms? Would he ever know how much she loved him? How much she needed him? How much she needed him to survive?

Daniel walked up to her and brought her thoughts back to this unchanging reality. He handed her a cup of steaming hot coffee. She took it from him absent mindedly and began sipping on the welcomed beverage. It had become their early morning routine for them these last few weeks. He was, as always, a great source of comfort to her and was willing to extend his heart to her when her's was close to breaking.

"He'll be alright Sam." Daniel stated matter-of-factly but blended it with a touch of confidence as he did everyday.

"You don't know that." Her words were tense and clipped.

Daniel tried to reach her with his soothing way, "O…k…you're right…but we have to keep hoping, Sam." He paused briefly to sip his coffee. "He needs us. He needs us to be positive."

"Yeah…well…he shouldn't have to be going through this Daniel." Sam's voice was full of aggravation.

"But he is. And I'm convinced that he'll pull through this." How could Daniel be the forever optimist after everything, every tragedy that he has had to endure throughout his life?

Without taking her eyes off the still figure before her, she spoke. "But what if he doesn't Daniel? I don't know if…," she drew in a short labored breath unable to finish her thought. Her mind took her words in various directions, "I should have done…something…Maybe I could have prevented…This shouldn't be happening…If I had only…."

Daniel grabbed Sam gently by her upper right arm and turned her slightly until she was looking at him. "Sam, listen to me," Daniel pleaded, "there wasn't ANYTHING you could have done. This is NOT your fault."

"Indeed." Teal'C chose that moment to utter his reassurance. "This was his destiny. You could not have prevented this direction."

Sam knew that these two men, who were more like family to her than friends, were merely attempting to relieve her discomfort and pain, but she was tired of hearing the endless words of support. She couldn't take much more.

"Teal'C! How could this have been his destiny?" The tone made even herself flinch a bit. She stared at him for a moment before closing her eyes and attempting to gather her breathing into slower rhythms. When she opened her eyes, she noticed how her friend was hurting too. She saw it in his glassy gaze. "I'm sorry Teal'C. This is just so hard."

"I agree. But we must all endure…together." Teal'C tried to sound confident. "He is a fighter and will not yield to this battle."

"Why him, Teal'C?!" Sam was amazed at how hopeless she sounded. "Why us? Why can't we just have a normal life? Why do we have to fight all the time!? Why do our lives have to be such a struggle?"

Teal'C forced himself to remain calm even as he searched for words to comfort his hurting friend. "Only through great struggles and hardships, Samantha, will the sweetness of life truly be appreciated."

Sam was moved by Teal'C's emotion. It was evident that he hated to see her so distraught and he somehow surmised the depth of her pain. Stepping into his arms, she permitted him to comfort and share her burden as he had done on so many other times before.

Finally after several hours of comforting one another and, her friends had left her to go and retrieve lunch for the three of them. She returned her ever watchful gaze to the lone figure. Her world, and all that she hoped for, was trapped in that enclosure. She realized now more than ever that her future would be determined by whether or not this incredible human being in front of her survived. It would make her or break her. There were so many things that she had desired for over the years, but this one thing – his survival – surpassed them all. She was not ready to let him go. If she let him go, then would her dreams go too? Could she survive if he didn't?

In a mere instant, Sam found herself almost able to stop thinking once she asked herself if she thought she could survive if he didn't. Her normally hectic crisscrossing thoughts subsided, and she was left with an almost strange and yet eerily peaceful quietness in her mind. The constant internal workings of her brain and all its astronomically mind boggling scientific scenarios that would typically bombard her had been driven from her. Her mind's consciousness was been slowly being replaced with Daniel and Teal'C's calm words of encouragement: _He'll be alright Sam_; _This was his destiny_; _He is a fighter and will not yield to this battle_; and _We must all endure_. Jack had managed to somehow endure after Charlie's death in spite of the heart crippling pain and because of his incredible love. She could do no less but follow Jack's example.

Sam realized then that she had stopped running from her uncertainties. She didn't like the current scenario and she might not like the less than positive outcome, but she would endure – survive if she must. However, from this minute forward she would choose to focus on the positive and all the wonderful possible outcomes that her future might entail. Focusing on each breath as if she could will her breath to be his, she closed her eyes, centered on him and his very essence, and she imagined all she wanted.

Soon, she began to feel two strong warm arms snaking their way around her waist. Drawn into the most comforting of embraces, Sam relaxed into the comforting gesture and allowed her head to fall back against the familiar shoulder. She felt the tenderest of kisses being placed on her cheek, and then she heard the manly voice that she loved whisper into her ear, "How's he doing today?"

Sighing softly knowing that she could pull from his strength, she responded, "The same."

"He's gonna' make it, Sam." He tried to reassure her, or was he trying to reassure himself?

"How do you know?" She was worn out from weeks of distress and surprised at how everyone but her, until now, had seemed to be so optimistic.

"Because I refuse to loose another son." The voice trembled with such emotion that Sam instantly clasped her hands over his in attempts to give him comfort.

"He'll survive." She said with a new found sense of urgency hoping that she was finally beginning to believe what she was saying.

He nodded, nuzzled her neck, and pulled her even closer and stated, "But, even if he doesn't Sam – we will."

And survived they did. Day after day the two of them watched, waited, and endured. Brigadier General Jack O'Neill and Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter-O'Neill watched their infant son, Jonathan Jacob "JJ" O'Neill, in his neo-natal incubator. They were so close and yet so far from him.

Being born two and a half months premature, JJ was experiencing a host of routine complications associated with his early birth. Doctors repeatedly assured her that he was progressing well, but there was always the doubt and uncertainty surrounding a premature birth. However, Teal'C was right and Sam was finally agreeing with him; little JJ was a fighter and each day he survived proved another day in his favor. Yet, it was still heart wrenching for his parents to watch and endure knowing that there was nothing that they could have done to prevent this from occurring and nothing that they could do to alleviate his situation.

This was not the first traumatic time for the married couple. They had already endured three previous miscarriages. The doctors had speculated that the three miscarriages prior to JJ's conception could have possibly been the results of both Sam's age and the protein marker left behind by Jolinar. Yet, there weren't any absolute conclusions as to why. So, when the unexpected news came that Sam had become pregnant again, they had both agreed that this was to be their last attempt at having a biological child. The stress and grief was too enormous.

"I'm so sorry Jack." Sam voiced without attempting to hold back her tears.

Jack sensed her anxiety and sadness and took action quickly. He turned her until she was facing him and cradled in his arms. Her face was pressed against his chest. "For what, Sam? For loving me? For being with me? No, there's nothing to be sorry for Sam.….Shhhhh Sam," he uttered in soothing tones, "Baby, it's ok…it'll be ok…we're in this together…and we're gonna' be ok…all three of us…You, me AND JJ. We're a family." He was emotional and spoke through strangled pleas.

Looking up at him, Sam saw both the fear and love in his eyes, yet she knew that he would always be there for her.

"I love you Jack."

These two officers had survived years of suffering and uncertain times side by side together, but nothing in their lives compared to this. It really didn't do any good to ask, "Why him?" It was him; it had happened and nothing could change it now. This was what they had to deal with. This was their reality. JJ's survival would be a blessing that would change and enrich their lives. But whatever the outcome, life was to be taken one day at a time.

**The End**

**Author's Note: **You might be asking yourself, "Where the heck did that come from?" Well, I have NO idea! It just jumped out and decided to make itself known. However, if you at least made it through it, I hope that you somehow enjoyed it. I would really like to know what your thoughts are on it especially since this story seemed weird even to me. I need to let go of all this angst and focus on some happy/sappy/shippy things! And, YES! I'm working hard on some of my other stories – more to come soon hopefully! Thanks again!


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